Alright, I just got back to Houston after being offshore for two weeks and then going to Destin for a few days. I haven't had the chance to watch a single movie yet, so here's the conclusion of the
Daredevil /
Elektra marathon I had a few weeks ago.
Elektra (2005)
Much like
Daredevil, I have not seen
Elektra, nor do I know what it is about. I'm assuming it's a sequel to
Daredevil, but Elektra supposedly died. I'm assuming that this is not the case.
The movie starts off with a prophesy about Elektra, stating that she will tip the scales in the epic battle between good and evil. They also mention that people who use the good side of the force are able to bring back the dead.
Cut to two evil dudes talking about what a badass Elektra is and how she's trying to kill one of them. The henchman thinks she's just an urban legend who died years ago. Oh how wrong he is. So I guess the former rich girl who dabbled in knife skills and karate flips is now an assassin who can teleport around, whisper in someone's ear, teleport back, and hurl a knife at their back. Uh... why not skip the whisper and just stab?
Elektra starts scrubbing down the floor (DNA!) and her "agent" walks in. Apparently she's a hitman. He asks why she had to kill all of the henchmen instead of just the target. I guess she just likes killing.
Flashback to her dying and being brought back to life by some old Asian man (Stick). Her eyes flash green! Do they ever explain this? It was hinted at a bit in the first movie. Stick teachers her some more karate moves and kicks her out with no place to go.
Back to present. A new client is requesting Elektra's services. She goes for an intense swim (filled with lots of boob and butt swimming shots) which triggers a flashback to her dad forcing little Elektra to tread water until she was exhausted.
Some teenage girl is walking through her lakeside home, trying to steal her necklace. Who is she and why? No idea. Elektra lets her go.
Flashback nightmare to Elektra's mom murdered on the ground, the same necklace around her neck covered in blood. The shadow of some devil goat man (Drag Me to Hell) runs away from the scene. Elektra wakes up and 2:30 in the morning and, of course, starts an intense, brooding workout. She goes out to stare at the lake where a guy walks up (Mark Miller) looking for his daughter Abby - the chick who broke into her house.
Abby comes over to complain to Elektra for being uncool and telling her dad she broke in. It turns out it's Christmas day and Abby invites her over for dinner. I guess they're living someplace tropical? Looks like Abby is trying to fix her dad up with Elektra or something? Abby talks about all the schools she's been expelled from in - glances to her dad trying to remember what she's supposed to say - Baltimore. After dinner, Mark TUCKS HIS 13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER into bed while Elektra looks on from the porch. Mark reveals that a drunk driver killed Abby's mom back in "Baltimore."
The next morning Elektra gets a delivery of her target's pictures - Mark and Abby! She stays cool as a cucumber, whips out her massive bow and arrow (when did she learn this skill??) and... feels bad and can't kill them. She calls her agent back saying that she can't kill them because she doesn't have enough background info. Then she leaves the island, throwing the keys to her house into some bushes dramatically. She heads to the ferry to get off the island but sees a vision of the future where Abby is screaming (because people using the good side of the force can also do this) and then sees a horde of hitmen boarding, presumably to go kill Mark and Abby. I guess Elektra feels the urge to go save them pretty much for no reason. The dinner couldn't have been
that great. Elektra does some pretty fancy jump up and stab moves to kill an assassin on the porch roof. She starts to have a chat with Mark about who he is, but more assassins come busting in. She kills a couple and they turn into some weird green smoke and float off. Then they leave.
Cut to a boardroom filled with Asian men - the Council of the Hand. The start talking about some treasure the assassins failed to get and how Elektra stopped them. These guys seem to represent the light side and the dark side of the force. Kirigi volunteers to handle the treasure.
Elektra heads to a pool hall where a blind old man is playing. He recognizes her walk and smell. It's Stick! Does she have a thing for blind men? She asks him to look over the Millers and then shows her that he's still way better at being a badass then she is. She tells the Millers to run off to Africa and hide. Abby whines. One Asian bad guy, Tattoo, seems to be able to see through and control tattoos and graffitti. A grafitti crow chases the trio until Elektra shoves the Millers into a car and drives away. Abby asks about Elektra's murderous past, stating her profession is "messed up."
They meet up with her agent and he tries to get her to just kill these people and be done with it. She asks for plane tickets to get them out of Dodge. Elektra keeps having weirdo flashbacks. Abby changes her appearance - by doing her hair just like Elektra. Apparently she had the same shade of hair dye on hand. She tries to teach Abby how to see the future like she does. Abby is the most annoying, loud meditator ever, making faces and getting strangely close to Elektra's face. It's a bonding moment and they giggle it out.
We still don't know why these people are being hunted or why the mom was killed. Mark and Elektra talk about.. nothing.. and then start kissing. Elektra takes a nap and a weird hawk (which has been following them for days) stares at her. Turns out Tattoo can also control REAL birds, not just painted ones. Really? Ok. The agent stays behind to hold back the other assassins who've just showed up - one of which has bulletproof pecks which deflect a shotgun blast. Obviously, the agent is killed.
Asian Poison Ivy (Typhoid), Tattoo, and Sir Pecksalot catch up with Elektra in the woods. Abby is an idiot and reveals her and Mark's hiding spot by calling out "Elektra!" for no reason. Tattoo's lightbeam wolf tattoo attacks Mark and Abby as they flee, along with some scrawny black dude who doesn't seem to have any weird powers. Mark and Abby fight back ninja-style, revealing that they have karate skills, too! Typhoid sneaks up on Elektra, giving her the kiss of death. Turns out that Abby is the treasure! Sheesh, what a crappy treasure. Stick's ninja squad swoops in and takes Abby to safety and then lets Elektra know she's going to be ok. Huh?
Elektra wakes up in Stick's training facility and watches Abby train. Turns out she was a prodigy from age 4 and now the Hand wants to use her to do his bidding. Mark took her away to keep her out of their clutches. Elektra lets Abby try out her fancy knives and they have a heart to heart about how they had to lie and protect their identities. Abby is a brat, starts to walk off, then sneak attacks Elektra to prove she's good. Which she isn't. And then she cries. Like a bitch. And whines some more that she just wants to be a kid. Boohoo, I have magical karate powers, poor me.
Elektra sneaks off in the middle of the night and mind-summons Kirigi to "meet where it all began" and have an epic battle to see who gets to keep Abby. Elektra breaks in to an abandoned mansion, one she already has the key to. It's her old house where her mom was murdered! She busts out the sexy red suit and lights a few candles to prepare for the final battle. For some unknown reason all of the furniture covers start flying around the room, shielding Kirigi - her mother's murderer - from sight. This man has aged really well! Stupid Abby shows up again. Kirigi uses some kind of sound wave explosion to blow Elektra onto the ground. Abby and her magical gold rope start fighting Kirigi. Elektra hoists Abby out of the room. Kirigi summons Tattoo and his hundreds of snake tattoos to help with the kill. The girls run into the bush maze from Harry Potter, but Abby gets trapped by the sea of snakes. Elektra just WALKS UP to Tattoo while he's projecting all these snakes out and snaps his neck. Unfortunately, Typhoid finds Abby and lets her know that she used to be the treasure and is now jealous. Kirigi and Elektra battle it out again, this time jumping back and forth through a well. Elektra has some more weird flashbacks of her life and Abby and how they're super similar. Then she stabs and kills Kirigi.
Now it's time to go after Typhoid. Elektra hurls one of her knives through a dozen maze walls - it doesn't slow down or change direction - right into Typhoid's head. Ok, if these people are so easy to kill, why didn't she just get it done an hour ago?? All you have to do is throw a knife! Abby has been infected with Typhoid's disease whatever. Elektra channels the good side of the force and brings her back to life.
Mark - where has he been?? - says farewell to Elektra with a sexy kiss, saying he'll take care of Abby. Elektra asks what Abby is going to do next - go to the beach and get a tan? Or get some icecream? Because that's all a teen girl could ever want. They get all sappy and Elektra says "WE'LL FIND EACH OTHER" and leaves. She runs into Stick on the way out.
Elektra: "Your second life is never really like your first, is it?"
Stick: "Sometimes it's even better."
THE END
So Daredevil ended with him remembering that Elektra said she'd find him. But she never finds him? This movie has no mention of anything that happened in the previous movie. And this tiny quote exchange is how they explain it??
I don't even... HUH??
