1. Already I know that this movie is going to be sweet. The opening music starts off with a very traditional, indistinct tune with sleigh bells and then abruptly switches to something I imagine hearing in a strip club in the '80s.
2. And then there's this hair! Keep in mind, this was 2003. What did people in 2003 look like? Not like this? This douche-nozzle is supposed to be a super rich investment banker or something. Yeah, I'd trust this guy with my money...
He's also making the greatest faces.
3. Hello Mr. FBI agent. I noticed you've been creepily staring at me all night.. Oh, your phone ringtone is "Jingle Bells"? I guess we can be friends. Now I need to run away with you for Christmas? This seems plausible.
4. Do you ever wonder how actors get roped into Lifetime movies? Some of these people have actually starred in decent shows and won awards and stuff. How did this happen to them? And who wrote this script? One lawyer just warned against talking to Spikey because he "might unconvince her from testifying." That's not even a word...
"Is it cold where we're going? I have very sensitive ears. The wind blows right through them!"
5. Hey Mr. FBI. I just Googled you because you looked familiar. So uh... when's the shirt coming off, boo?
6. Wow, his mom really hates Brandi. Maybe because her boobs are just alllllllllllll out? Understandable, but she's a bit snarky.. Maybe this is why I'm scared of other people's parents. Movies have made me terrified!! Heads up, this bedroom scene is the most awkward thing in the world. I had to hide under the covers.
"Wake up! We have an emergency. Your brother has brought home a predator."
That's not at all over the top. Oh no.
7. I really love Brandi's nails! Hooray! I needed some new ideas lol. I can't find a good picture, but they're red with silver tips. I'm also loving the Christmas hair. I did this a few years ago! Now I miss it... Her outfit, however, looks like a slutty cavewoman.
8. This song has been stuck in my head for this entire movie. And it kinda fits with the movie... Maybe if I share it with you it'll go away. Or maybe they'll play it in the movie! If only..
9. I love that she's sticking up for him to his horrible family! How adorably skankalicious.
10. Why is there always a gust of wind indoors when someone reveals they gorgeous outfit they're wearing? She looks like she's caught in a hurricane!
"Are you suggesting that I don't know how to raise my child?"
"No, you just don't know how to dress her!"
11. Oh my gosh, the screaming in this family is so intense! My family needs to step our fights up a notch. I need a manlier bellow.
"We'll continue this charade for the family until the Christmas presents have been opened tomorrow and the Christmas dinner consumed."
Side note, why do movie families get soooooooo upset when you bring home someone you claim to be dating and then reveal you're not? Can't people just be friends any more? Who cares. Lawd!
12. How do movie moms always know when people are secretly in love with each other? Do real moms know that? I don't think my mom does... I sure don't. Maybe it doesn't happen until you actually give birth? I'm going to have to look into this a little more...
13. Exactly one hour, 16 minutes, and 37 seconds into this recording the brother-in-law makes the BEST face/noise after receiving a relaxation pillow.
14. Since when is being an FBI agent something to snub your nose at? I do not understand these people.
15. This hotel conversation is waaaaaaaay too intense for this situation. Calm it down now bubbies.
16. HA! This entire hearing this is ridiculous. I love it. The only thing this movie is missing is some shirtless man. Lifetime, you've let me down.
17. Not once did the main characters look ANYTHING like this cover picture. The don't even look like the same people... So weird.
18. Every single movie I've watched so far had the SAME plot with a twist. I really need to branch out a bit!
HO HO HO or NO NO NO?
NO NO NO!
I really wouldn't waste my time with this movie if I were you. It's fine if there's nothing else on, but don't go out of your way for this stinker. The best part of the movie was the shrink getting his present.