Monday, October 31, 2011

Something Evil's Lurking in the Dark

Well hello there! I have been in a training class for a week, then I went to New Orleans, and now I'm in another week of training. You'd think that being in training all day and not having to go to work would lead to excessive free time, but it actually just gave me more time to go hang out and drink. Therefore - no blog posts.

But let's remedy that situation. Here's a couple pictures from my weekend -

Me and the Yip-Yip Aliens!

Paco y Pepe
This was my first time in The Big Easy, and I feel like we made the most of it. I went with a bunch of people from work for VOODOO Fest, a music festival similar to ACL. Turns out that Bourbon Street is a LOT like Sixth Street in Austin (which is awesome) except that you're allowed to carry your "beverages" around in the street (even more awesome). One thing that you can't really see is that my belt actually had two pouches that fit a very large drink in each of them. They came in very handy! I might have to wear it to parties on a regular basis.

We had way too many people to keep track of, but the ghosts of Halloween were friendly and returned our lost souls. Miraculously, no one was seriously injured, arrested, or left behind.

In other news, my nails look like trash, so I'll attempt to do something awesome.. hopefully tonight. :]

Friday, October 21, 2011

A Weekend with the Besties!

I have just spent SIX HOURS attempting to fix my computer issues at work. On any other day, I'd be pretty upset about this. Today, however, nothing is going to get me down! In a matter of hours I'll be on my way to good ole' San Antone to hang out with the two loves of my life - Laura and Kelley.

I believe this is the most recent photo of the three of us. And that's sad, since I'm pretty sure this was last summer. Let's get on that, guys.

To say we have a strange relationship would be quite the understatement. I'm not sure what most people do when they hang out with their friends, but we drive hundreds of miles to eat tons of food, play games we already know who's going to win (Scene-It, Family Feud, The Newlywed Game, Packy Rummy, etc.) and watch the same two movies over and over together. 

Sometimes when we're feeling adventurous, we'll combine some of our passions. A serious amount of smack-talk has been going on for the past few years about one such combination - the intense game known only as Cheesecake-Cheesecake. This sporting event is not for the faint of heart - or those with a weak stomach. The object of the game is pretty simple - be the first person to completely finish your slice of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. Easy? WRONG. The last tournament ended without a clear victor and all of the competitors covered in whipped cream. Could anything be more awesome? The answer is no.

I've got about one more hour of fighting with antiquated computer programs left, but all I can think about is putting on my stretchy-pants and hanging out with mi amores. Look out, San Antonio, cuz it's time for me to win some Family Feuuud!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

VHS Tapes: A Limerick

VHS Tapes

You've survived through the ages,
Even while the DVD/Blu-Ray battle rages.
Although you have to look pretty far
To find a VCR,
The ones who created you were sages.

Sitting in my living room right now is a giant box filled with VHS tapes from my childhood. And ya know what? They all still work great. They've been dropped on the floor, stepped on, and thrown at my sister's face countless times, but they seem to be unbreakable. They always play! I won't lie, I've seen a couple VHS tapes get ruined over the years - mostly as a result of the VCR eating the tape. But that is nothing compared to the hundreds of DVDs I've attempted to watch with scratches, skips, and incompatible software. Every VHS can be played on any VCR. I currently have in my possession numerous DVDs that cannot be played by my XBOX or DVD player, but can be played with my laptop (only one of the three laptops). That is outrageous!

Whenever you stop a VHS to go run outside and play, you don't have to worry about your mom coming along, shutting off the VCR, and losing your spot. VHS tapes just stay put! And that is awesome. You didn't have to navigate through a clunky scene-selector, you just push play.

Looking back, VHS tapes did have some flaws. They are HUGE. But this didn't really matter at the time, since before VHS, the only time you could watch a movie was when it was in theaters or if it happened to be on tv. If my little brother hadn't been able to watch, rewind, and rewatch Toy Story 17 times per day, I'm not sure my sister and I would have let him survive to see his fifth birthday.

They also didn't let you skip straight to a particular section of the movie. Each movie had a couple of previews at the beginning, which could have annoyed other people, but my sister and I used to pick out a random movie and have the other one guess what it was just by the previews. Bonding moment! Don't want to watch them? Who cares?! Just fast-forward for a minute, you lazy turd.

Although tapes seem nearly indestructible, if you watch a movie enough times it will explode into a pile of useless plastic. But DVDs do the same thing in a much shorter time. Some of my VHS tapes are 22 years old and counting. And that's pretty damn good, if you ask me.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Get Ready To Pee Your Pants - Paranormal Activity 3

The Paranormal Activity franchise is great. The movies (especially the first one) were made for a relatively small price, generated zillions of dollars in profit, and scared the shit out of everyone. If you haven't seen the first two, then you need to come out from that rock you're living under.

On October 21st, the third (and final?) installment is coming to theaters! From the trailer, the special effects look a little more intense (and a little less believable). The family also must have bought the world's most expensive video cameras in 1988, because the picture is crazy good.

This movie goes back in time to explain how the curse thing started haunting Katie and fam. It has not one, but two tiny children, which can only make it more terrifying. It'll be interesting to see who dies in this one, since both little girls have to survive. Maybe the parents? Who cares! Bring on the pants-wetting!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Once Upon A Dream

Dear Sleeping Beauty / Aurora / Briar Rose,

I have watched your movie approximately one million times. I know the words to all of your songs, and I can quote pretty much everything you and your friends say. I even know all THREE of your names. (What kind of a person needs three names?!)As a faithful fan, I would like you to know one thing: you are completely to blame for your problems.

At this point you may be thinking "But I was cursed as a baby by the evil Maleficent!" You are correct - this was your parents' fault. All they had to do was invite the terrifying devil woman to a party! I'm not sure if you've hosted many parties, but from the ones I've thrown I've learned that you only have two options when dealing with unwelcome guests:

1. Invite them to come anyway. Most likely she would have politely declined the invitation (evil villains don't usually enjoy baby parties).

2. Make damn sure they don't find out about it. I'm not sure if your parents' plan to keep this party thing a secret was very well thought out. Seems to me that they invited the entire kingdom to attend. You know what they always say - "Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead." Maybe a small family affair would have sufficed.

Now let's get to the stuff you're to blame for.

After hiding deep in the woods for 16 years, never seeing anyone besides those looney fairies, I understand that you might want to expand your social circle a little. But did you seriously have to jump on the first man you saw??! That's a little slutty. All he did was sing along with your song and BOOM you're in love. That's pathetic. Keep in in your pants.

I'm not sure if you remember the real first time you and Prince Phillip met, but he took one look at your ugly baby-self and stuck his tongue out. But now that you look like a supermodel he's allll over you. Girl, take a hint!

Then you invited this boy back to your place. After your aunties/fairies told you not to speak to strangers, much less invite them over! Did you ever ask them why you weren't allowed to have friends? Well you should have. If you hadn't invited him over, he wouldn't have been kidnapped by Maleficent, you would have met up with him at the castle, partied your buns off, and lived happily ever after!

This letter may seem a little harsh, but I'm hoping that you can learn from your mistakes and stop fooling little girls into believing that strange men they meet in the woods are wonderful, singing princes. That's just a recipe for disaster.

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem...
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Sula Paint & Peel

I was at Ulta a while back, and I bought a peel-off nail polish to try out. Turns out it's a piece of crap. The polish itself never really sets, so it's wrinkly and comes off way too easily. It's been over 12 hours since I applied it, and I can still mess it up terribly. BAH HUMBUG! And when you peel it off, it rips your nails to shreds, worse that if you just pull regular polish off (which I do frequently). Don't buy it!!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

New Fall Shows!

I love tv. Loooooove! Thank goodness all of our (my) favorite shows are back! At some point I might write about ALL of the shows that I currently watch, but it would be close to novel-length. I am a gross couch potato.

There's about a million new shows out there to try out. Although I haven't watched them all, here's a few I've been getting into. Don't worry, I won't be giving out any spoilers that you couldn't figure out from the previews or the first 10 minutes of each show.


If you're into completely impossible situations and ridiculous responses to them, then this show is for you! Don't let my sarcasm fool you, I'm actually really liking it so far. It's about a (former) alcoholic chick who witnessed a murder and is running away so that she doesn't have to testify against a gangbanger. Impossible situation #1: the gangbanger is from WYOMING. Have you ever even met a normal person from Wyoming? No, you have not. Now can you imagine a terrifying mob man from there? Alrighty, so as the drunko is running away, she meets up with her twin sister, a bitch married to an amazingly rich dude. Shit goes down, and Drunko ends up pretending to be her twin. Impossible situation #2: no one seems to think it's weird that Drunko acts completely different than Bitchy and has no idea who anyone is. Come on. I really want to know how this thing plays out, cuz last week it got crraaaazier!

American Horror Story

This just premiered last night and... WOAH, is this freakin' weird. It's by one guy who created Glee and one guy who created Nip/Tuck - weirdest combination ever? Yes. Times infinity. As a major Gleek, I can tell you that this is nothing like Glee. The show is about a family moving into the world's creepiest house, ignoring the glaring signs that it's haunted. Pretty much every single thing about this show is sick and twisted. At one point I wanted to throw up... but in a good way? I cannot imagine ANY of these things happening to normal people. I can't tell you why, but this is seriously not a show for the weak at heart. If you watch this, be prepared for blood and guts, tears, extreme nudity, and the weirdest sex scenes you will ever witness. I really need someone else to start watching this, if only to have someone else crying into a pillow with me.

Up All Night

If I ever become a parent, this is exactly what I hope I'd be like. This married couple, played by the gorgeous Will Arnett - and the.. meh.. Christina Applegate, are young and hip, partying the nights away. And then the have an "oops baby." But it's not your typical story where the parents regret having the kid! Hooray! They're making it work, while attempting to still live awesome lives. Plus, it's HILARIOUS. I may or may not have a weird thing for Will Arnett, which makes everything he says extremely witty and hilarious, but this show really is good. And you don't have to look at the hideous baby too much, so don't worry.

New Girl

IIIIIIIIIII love Zooey Deschanel. She's hilarious and cute in everything she's in (except for Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but that was just terrible). Jess (Zooey) just broke up with her hideous creep of a boyfriend and moved in with three random dudes who posted an ad online. She's an uber nerd, girl-style! Pretty much every situation reminds me of something that has happened to me, which makes it even better. I haven't talked to a single person yet who doesn't love this show. Well, there was one person, but he's kind of a poop. Don't be that poop.

Hart of Dixie

Rachel Bilson, who always looks adorable, is playing a surgeon from New York who's forced to go work as a general practitioner in Alabama. Having lived in Bama for five years, I think every single reference to weird things they do there completely hilarious and 99% wrong. Never have I ever seen grown women dress up in southern bell costumes and take it seriously. There also appear to be no Auburn fans in this tiny town. Which I find hard to believe. Anyway, the hottie quarterback from Friday Night Lights / Racer X has an adorable fake accent and is pretty much the sweetest human known to man. Dr. Adorable, on the other hand, has zero bedside manner and has never been anywhere outside NY. It's not quite hilarious, and not really heartbreaking, but everybody in the show is really good-looking... Tough call. I'm giving it a few more weeks.

Pan Am 

This show is a blatant attempt by ABC to get something one tenth as awesome as Mad Men. It's not. But come on, you can tell that just from the previews. It's basically a show about a bunch of women who want to see the world and sleep with a lot of rich dudes. Who can blame them? They have a weird secret agent side story going on, which may prove to be interesting, but right now I'm having fun placing bets on who's going to sleep with who.

These shows haven't come out yet, so I can't tell you much about them, other than I want to watch!

Once Upon a Time

October 23

Not really sure what's going on here, but it looks crazy corny, along the lines of Tenth Kingdom. If this show is anything like that, I'm watching it. The end.


October 28

Fairy tales coming to life in the form of a crime drama?

Last Man Standing

October 11

This show looks like Home Improvement, only slightly raunchier and with daughters. I heart Time Allen.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Commercials? No way!

I have gotten so used to watching shows off my DVR that I can no longer watch commercials. Each second is a moment of my life that I just can't get back, and I'd rather spend it watching a fake person's fake drama, thank you very much. Usually my tv and I don't have a problem, since I have quite a collection of shows stored up. Today, however, I got out of training early and finished off all of my saved stuff. So I had to watch LIVE TV *gasp*! To deal with the minutes of boredom in between the drama, I did something weird to my nails. I don't know what to call it. It kind of looks like a birthday card made by a 3rd grader.

In case you like having 3rd grade birthday cards on your fingers, here's how to get the look -

1. Apply layer(s) of nude polish. The one I bought needed like 4 layers before it looked decent. Maybe buying a darker shade would help.
2. Go crazy with some green! I decided to paint half (diagonally) of my nail a fun color. Seemed like a good idea at the time. It actually looked good enough to just keep it with nude and green at this point, but I still had at least 3 more commercial breaks to suffer through.
3. Dots! I used a nail polish pen to draw dots along the diagonal split. It kind of helps, just in case your line wasn't perfectly straight.
4. Stars & flowers. I bought little glitter.. things... so I used them. The best way to make them stick is to put some clear polish on, stick it to that, and cover it up with more clear. TADA!

Now I'm off to watch American Horror Story! I really hope it doesn't scare me too much... Fingers crossed.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

If you love musicals, Neil Patrick Harris, evil plots, supervillains, love stories, or awesomeness in general you need to watch this immediately. It's on Netflix Instant right now. RIGHT. NOW.

It's only 45 minutes long, so it's not a huge time commitment. It was written/directed by Joss Whedon (Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse, etc.). If you remember the Buffy musical episode, it's like that, only 132234 times better!! I've heard rumors of a sequel. One can only hope.