Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas Eve!!

It's finally Christmas Eve! There's no snow up here in Illinois... although I've heard parts of Texas have some :( HRMPH. Oh well, I'll get over it. For most of the month I haven't really been in a Christmasy mood... and I figured out why! It's because I didn't have any finals! For nearly my entire life, the beginning of Christmas was marked with hours of painful test-taking. But I didn't have any of that this year. I guess I have to figure out a new way to remind myself it's Christmas (cold weather is out of the question - TEXAS!). 

Anyways, I'm finally getting into the swing of things, thanks to my loves Bing Crosby and James Stewart. Right now I'm watching Holiday Inn - next up is It's a Wonderful Life! Here's a little clip that makes me cry every single time. Get your tissues ready!

And something a little more cheerful while you dry your eyes.


Monday, December 19, 2011

Wacky Westville Nails

Did you know that nail polish is magically cheaper in tiny towns in the middle of nowhere? Well I didn't. Until today! So then I bought a zillion. Most of them were actually only a dollar, which is frickin' sweet. Anyways, I did my nails, and my mom and sister's.

Found this at Claire's, but didn't buy it. Weird..?
 Tri-Stripes [Me]

I started off with a layer of orange/gold.

Then I taped off sections of my nails, adding in other colors.

Not what I pictured, but still kinda cool

Burgandy [Eileen]

Eileen's lovely hand!

Zig-Zag Mani [Mom]

The pic makes it look smudgey, but it really wasn't. I just used some scrapbook scissors and tape.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Bestest Christmas Movies

Right now, I'm sitting next to the fireplace at my grandma's house, watching some Hallmark Christmas movies, and thinking about all of the new nail polishes I want. It's the truth, don't judge. These questionable made-for-tv movies have got me thinking about some of the awesome Christmas movies out there! Here's a few of my favorites, which you should definitely check out!

I'll Be Home For Christmas

This absolutely adorable movie, starring the even more adorable Jonathan Taylor Thomas - and some skank named Jessica Biel - is one of my favorites. It's got everything you could want in a movie: cute love story, a sleazy guy who's still loveable, a roadtrip, a santa marathon, and a one-horse open sleigh that dashes through the snow.

It's a Wonderful Life

Yes, this movie is in black and white. Get over it - some of the best movies are!! This movie is slightly like A Christmas Carol... only about one million times better. This movie spans the lifetime of George Bailey, a small-town guy with big dreams, only... things never really go the way he plans them. One day, he hits an all-time low and decides that the world would have been better off if he had never been born - and an angel out to prove himself grants his wish. This movie is hilarious, heart-breaking, infuriating, and guaranteed to make you cry tears of joy no matter how many times you've seen it.

Remember - "Every time a bell rings, and angel gets his wings!"

Jingle All the Way

*Arnold voice* "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!!"

If there's a person out there who doesn't like this movie, then they've obviously had too much eggnog - or not enough. This is perhaps one of the best Arnold movies. Ever. Arnold, a typical 90's-movie dad, works too much, neglects his wife and child, and forgets to buy his kid's present - a Turboman toy. The whole movie chronicles the epic battle between Arnold and Sinbad as they duke it out over the last remaining Turboman toys in the entire universe. If you like funny accents, ridiculous chase-scenes, and tons of actors who make amazing faces, then this movie is for you.

White Christmas

Show me a person who doesn't love Bing Crosby's Christmas songs, and I'll show you a turd. You've probably heard every single song in this movie, since they're really popular and you just don't know it. This movie is actually pretty similar to one of my other favorite Bing Christmas movies, Holiday Inn, which you should check out if you like this one. Bing and his buddy come home from the War and become big singing/dancing entertainers. Along the way, they meet two lovely ladies, whisk them away to an inn in the middle of nowhere, and start putting together an epic Christmas performance. Of course, this movie has to have an argument between two of the lovebirds, but the spirit of Christmas always makes things work out in the end!

The Santa Clause

Tim Allen + the Dub-Dub Song = perfection

Everyone in the world has seen this movie, so I'm sure I don't have to do a recap.

I like about a hundred other Christmas movies, but these are enough to get you started!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Christmas Lizards?

I need a new camera
I hope these look Christmasy. They remind me of lizards. I dunno. This is another simple one - just one layer of green and another layer of green glitter.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

That's What Friends Are For

It's been a while since I've posted a song. For some reason, I got really tired of most of the Christmas radio stations, so I've been turning to an old favorite - Disney songs! I usually hate fandubs with a passion that burns brighter than a thousand rising suns, but this one is actually pretty hilarious, since the guys make GREAT faces. Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Lots O' Sparkles!

 I have nail ADD as of late. I don't think I've kept the same polish on for more than two days - which is fine, since I bought some new ones that I want to try out :]

Starry Night Nails

First layer - Revlon Top Speed Teal-ish

Layer two - Nicole by OPI Me + Blue
That one was really easy. I basically had the bottom layer just because the Me + Blue was pretty thin, and layering it would have looked weird lol.

Smoldering Nails

Ulta For Bitten
I'm not really sure what to call this color, and it's hard to see from the pictures. It's a dark, almost black base with red/gold shimmers. Check out better pictures here.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Candy Cane Nails

 More Christmas nails!! I got this idea from the awesome pics on the Chloe's Nails blog I was telling you about. Mine don't look quite as awesome (I'll explain why in a bit) but I think they're still pretty sweet.

Attempt #1 - Smudgey

This was my first attempt at the stripes. I was just going to free-hand everything, but i thought it looked a little... smudgey. But it was still really pretty! And then I took it all off and started over.

Attempt #1 - I thought they looked better in this direction. Fingers look weird though.
Alright, here's the second pass at this look. I think it came out better AND I figured out the best way to do it.

1. Apply layer of white polish. I used one from Sally Hansen called "All the White Stuff." But it's just white, so get over yourself. Once it's pretty dry, apply a layer of Seche Vite (SV) and let that dry.

"But why are we adding the topcoat now, Laura?!" 

Because that clear layer prevents the tape (which is the next step) from ripping the white polish off. Clever, huh?!

2. Use Scotch tape to tape off a thin-ish line for one of the red stripes. You can attempt to do both stripes at once, but I wouldn't. One at a time is hard enough. Once you've got the tape in the right spot, smear some glittery red polish up in there. Try not to get it all over your hand, but if you do, it's no biggie right now. Once the polish is on, let it sit for a couple seconds, and then quickly remove the tape.

After I finished about three quarters of the stripes, I figured out that the best way to remove the tape was NOT to peel it off, but instead grab it in the middle of the strip and pull it up towards the red stripe. I hope you can visualize that. It's hard to describe, but easy to do. This prevented the red from shooting off tiny strands everywhere. If you do get some red outside of the lines, don't panic. Take a Q-tip and some polish remover and lightly blot the excess polish. If you remove a little of the white, that's ok, you can dab a bit more. The SV covers up a lot of layering mistakes.

3. Once the first set of stripes dry, add yet another layer of SV, let that dry, and repeat the whole process for the second set of stripes. Once it's all dry, and ONE MORE layer of SV, and you're done!! I won't lie, this took freaking forever. I think I went through like 5 TV shows (that's how I count the passing of time).

Finished product.

I went to the grocery store yesterday, and some old man followed me around the ENTIRE store, whistling "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." Here's to you, Mr. Creeper -

MWahahaha Justin Bieber. I picked this one because: 1. I hadn't seen it. 2. The version I wanted wasn't on YouTube. 3. There's a hip-hop Santa bustin' moves. Enjoy!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Red & Silver Xmas Nails

Ignore the color outside the lines. I did this really fast.

So, I had my first of many Christmas parties last night! I was running kinda late, but I was determined to do my nails before running out the door - and this is what I came up with! It was incredibly simple and fast (5 minutes).

1. Nicole by OPI OMB! - This polish is gorgeous. It's kinda hard to see in the picture, but it's a shimmery red. Yes, it is from the Justin Bieber line... Yes, it is called OMB! which stands for "Oh My Bieber"... but it looks pretty! Don't judge me.

2. Silver glitter polish. I actually can't remember the brand right now... but it doesn't really matter. I kinda think the glitter makes it look a little snowy.. Maybe it's just me.

3. Top coat of Seche Vite and you're done!!

"The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't be Late)" - Alvin and the Chipmunks 

Thursday, December 1, 2011


A picture from Happy December Days past. 2006?
HAPPY DECEMBER DAY!!! If this is your first time hearing of December Day, then you need to get with the program! Laura, Kelley, and I started this holiday back in highschool, and every year it's celebrated with the wearing of ridiculous Christmas clothing, the drinking of hot chocolate, and the blasting of Christmas tunes. In honor of this joyous occasion, I present to you my favorite Christmas song of all time - The Dub Dub Song.

Unfortunately, this song isn't really called "The Dub Dub Song." In fact it's "White Christmas" - originally sung by Bing Crosby and then later covered by The Drifters. The first time I ever heard this song was when I watched The Santa Claus a zillion years ago, and every time I heard it I'm reminded of the awesomeness of that movie, my friends, and doo-wop music. If you'd like to see a slightly more hilarious rendition of this song, check this out.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Beachy Boy Christmas

I. Am. Bored. I've caught up on Perez (35 pages), looked at everything I could think of on Pinterest, checked out like a million different nail polish designs... and I still have an hour before my chopper takes me back to the mainland. BLAH. Right now I'm chilling in some kind of computer equipment room, coughing my lungs out, and thinking of a good Christmas tune for the day.

Yesterday, Pooh Bear and I mellowed out to some jazzy Christmas songs by Louis Armstrong. I'm thinking that I need something a little more upbeat for today. Since I'm still out in the middle of the ocean, I think a little Beach Boys are appropriate. Here's "Little Saint Nick" -

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Chloe's Nails

This is not me - I wish. I'm not really sure how I found this blog... I'm sure I was avidly avoiding whatever I was supposed to be working on. Anyways, it's AMAZING. I plan on trying out about a million of the ideas she posted. I'll let you know how they work out. Chances are it'll end up pretty poorly.

In other news, some of the guys offshore complemented me on my nail polish today. That was kind of a shocker lol. Back onshore tomorrow!!

Holiday Greetings from the Gulf!

I... have failed. I didn't post a Christmas song for the past couple of days, and for that I apologize. BUT it was Thanksgiving, so you weren't reading this anyway! So all should be forgiven :)

Right now I'm on a platform in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. Everybody out here is extremely nice, and they're all at least a little bit... country. In honor of my lovely hosts, your tune for the day will be "Christmas in Dixie" by Alabama.

"Christmas in Dixie"

P.S. I had a small incident with a mystery guest in my room - taking my towel, using my shower, writing on my dry-erase board, and then leaving. No idea who it was, slightly creeped out, will keep you informed.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Nightmare Before Christmas

I'm fairly certain that no one in the world can positively determine whether The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie or a Halloween movie. To me, it's both - which means I get to watch it during both holidays! 
"What's This?"

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Beethoven - He's Christmasy, Right?

I love pretty much all things Trans Siberian Orchestra. If someone would like to take me to a concert, I wouldn't complain!

"Beethoven / Requiem" - Trans Siberian Orchestra

Monday, November 21, 2011

Turkey Day Nails

I've been trying to think of really crazy ways to do turkey nails. I had a grand plan to just have the body on my thumb and the feathers on my fingers, but.... that's way too complicated. Instead, I decided to just draw a turkey on my thumb and then add feathers to the fingers. Same general concept, without the confusion.

Please excuse the ridiculous lighting. This seemed to be the only way to get a picture of the turkey.

Making this turkey isn't nearly as difficult as it may seem!
1. Draw one large brown dot in the middle of your nail. This is the body of the turkey.
2. Draw one small-ish brown dot as the head. Put it where a head should go.
3. Use a toothpick to draw on the beak, gobbler, tail feathers, and feet. My feet look ridiculous, but it's time that you got over that.

For the feathers, I used regular red nail polish and one of my Konad nail stampers. You guys seriously should look into these. They're really cheap if you buy packs on Amazon and just use regular polish. My feathers were a little flaky this time, and I could have redone them, but.... they look kinda cool when they're not perfect.

On the Island of Misfit Toys

Work is like a ghost town this week. We have Wednesday through Friday off, but everybody with more than one week of vacation time peaced out last Thursday. As a result, we have a pretty rag-tag bunch of people in the office - just like on the Island of Misfit Toys!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus?

I'm not 100% positive, but I think that Kelley first introduced me to this song a few years ago. I've listened to it approximately 1923709 times since then! The song "Donde Esta Santa Claus" by Augie Rios first came out in 1958 - which means that this guy is now older than my dad. WEIRD. Anyways, here's a cute kid in a Santa hat pretending to sing along -

Friday, November 18, 2011

Google Music - No Longer A BETA!

Watch out, iCloud! Google, my favorite company in the world, launched Google Music Beta a few months ago for avid Googlers, like myself. The moment I got my invitation, I uploaded my 11,789 songs to "the cloud" and began headbanging to my awesome tunes everywhere!

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll try and explain. The idea behind "the cloud" is that you can store files in some random blob of internet serverdom and then access it whenever and wherever you want. BRILLIANT! Since my work seems to keep blocking music sites such as Pandora, Spotify, etc. I had to find a new way to get my jams. Yesterday, Google Music moved out of the beta stage, and is now open to all users! All you need to get started is a Gmail account - and if you don't have one of those, then I don't know what you've been doing with your life.

Unlike iCloud, which seems to require you to have an iPhone or some shit, Google Music can be used by anyone. Basically, you sign in with your Gmail account, upload your songs (which might take a VERY long time, depending on your connection speed and number of songs), and then listen anywhere. As long as you have internet access, you can get onto the Google Music page and listen on your computer. Or if you have an Android device, there's an app that'll let you stream it to your phone. There is a 20,000 song limit currently, but come on. That's a shit ton. Google Music also lets you download a bunch of free songs everyday PLUS they don't count towards your 20,000. Freaking sweet!

Did I mention that it also keeps track of all of your playlists in iTunes? Well it totally does.

Screenshot Explanation
Here's a little bit of what the app looks like:

It can do all of the same stuff: keep your playlists, sort by album/artist/song/genre, remembers recent songs, etc. 

I'm still not a complete pro, since I haven't spent a lot of time exploring everything that Google Music can do. BUT, since Google is amazing, they always have a tour to look at and show you all of the awesome things you didn't even know existed. I just looked at it for a second and learned something new - GOOGLE MUSIC TOUR

I guess that concludes my rave about Google - it will take over the world one day. And I, for one, will be on board!

Christmas Time in New Orleans

We're putting up a tree in my office today! I could not be more excited, since I've never really gotten to put up a tree. Yes, I lived a sheltered life. Anyways, one of my coworkers, whom I will affectionately refer to as "Pooh Bear" suggested that we play some Louis Armstrong Christmas songs while we decorate. What a fantabulous idea! I love Louis, but I never really listened to his Christmas stuff. As it turns out, I have really been missing out my entire life. In an attempt to keep you from doing the same, here's a Louis to liven up your day! As an added bonus, there's a Billie Holiday song right afterwards :)

"Christmas in New Orleans" - Louis Armstrong
"I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm" - Billie Holiday

Thursday, November 17, 2011

A Little Hanson for the Holidays

Before the Jonas Brothers, before *NSYNC, before the Backstreet Boys... was HANSON. You loved them, I loved them, we all know this. My very first CD was Hanson's Middle of Nowhere album. It didn't matter that most of them looked like little girls! Anyways, here's one of my favs off their Christmas album. If you don't have this one, you should definitely go out and get it!

"Merry Christmas Baby" - Hanson

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Hump Day: Mele Kalikimaka!

I love old Christmas songs sung by crooners. Bing Crosby is one of my all-time favorites by far. He has such an amazing voice, plus his holiday movies are the greatest - White Christmas, Holiday Inn, etc. My Christmas song of the day is "Mele Kalikimaka," which makes sense, since it's still 85 degrees outside. If only I were in Hawaii...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Bluesy Nails

Another really simple look. I'm really into diagonals right now... mostly because I discovered how easy they are!

To get this look, take a sea-green color and paint your whole nail. I used one of the Revlon Top Seed ones, since they dry pretty fast. Then take a dark blue and draw a fat diagonal line across your nail. Fill in the edge, but don't worry about making it too perfect. Cover with Seche Vite top coat and you're done!

Redneck 12 Days of Christmas

I may or may not be able to sing this whole thing....

Unfortunately, it's not letting me add this video in, so you'll have to click it!

Pretty outrageous. To that I say -

Monday, November 14, 2011

A Mad Russian Monday

I can't wait until Wednesday to post a Christmas tune. Plus Mondays need a little Christmas cheer too! Here's
"A Mad Russian's Christmas" by Trans Siberian Orchestra.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Worst Disney Sequels

I don't know if you're aware of this, but I've seen more than my fair share of Disney movies. After a few decades of avid Disney-watching, I've developed a bit of an attitude towards sequels/prequels/mid-quels. Some of them are amazing, like Toy Story 2 and 3 (if they make a 4th, I'll flip shit). However, many of them are terrible beyond belief. I really wish that Disney would take a poll and see if people actually WANTED these sequels, because I have a feeling that the majority would vote no - especially if they've seen these atrocities.

The Lion King 1 1/2

"Does anybody know when this movie is taking place?'
I loved The Lion King and The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride wasn't that bad, but THIS was garbage. It didn't make a lot of sense. Apparently Timon and Pumba go back and retell the first (and second?) movie they way they saw it. According to this movie, they were in the background the whole time just cracking jokes. Yeah right. Don't lie to me.

Mulan II

"I liked you better as a man."
What a pile of doo-doo. I honestly can't even remember what the plot of this movie was. I think it had something to do with Mulan being too much of a man for Shang to deal with. They're also planning a wedding and then run off to fight another war. Or something like that. Who even cares. The first movie ended perfectly - the war was over, the girl got her man, and the fireworks went off. You can't possible create another war for them to fight! That would just be ridiculous.

The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea

"I'm so hungry I could eat an eel!"
Ursula's anorexic cousin/sister gets pissed when she's killed, swears to take her revenge out on Ariel and her family, yadda yadda. This sequel fast forwarded like 15 years to follow Ariel's whiny 12 year old daughter as she wishes to go back to the sea, which of course she isn't allowed to because of the new witch in town. She also doesn't know she's half mermaid. Why they thought this movie would be a good idea, I do not know. The best character (Ursula) is dead!! Think, people!

"Get in ma belleh"

They also made Flounder a fat hippo. Didn't see that one coming.

The Jungle Book 2

You can't make a sequel after all of the original voice characters and animators are dead. It doesn't come out the same, it just looks like a corny copy. In this picture, Mowgli and the cute girl look like they're taking a poop. Cuz that's what this was. Was there a plot? Oh yeah, Mowgli wants to go back to the jungle and is in danger. SERIOUSLY?! Just watch the first movie in reverse.

Cinderella II: Dreams Come True

"Why am I here?"
This is quite possibly the worst of them all. I think only three people in the world have seen this one (me, Laura, and Kelley). This one was also obviously made way after all of the original people were dead. And it wasn't even a movie!!! It was a movie containing short, stupid stories about how Cinderella was dealing with living in the palace and becoming friends with one of her idiot step-sisters. What the heck! After she rides off into the sunset, the last thing I want to watch is her getting bitched at by servants and giving handouts to an ugly ho. I haven't seen the third one yet, but it actually looked like there was a plot - somehow the evil stepmother turns back time and doesn't let Cinderella meet the prince or something. I may watch this at some point, but if it's anything like the second one, I'm burning the DVD afterwards to save others from the misery.

Pocahontas II: Journey to A New World

John Rolfe!! That name is the biggest insult I can bestow upon a human being. Pocahontas 2 is to blame for this. In the sequel, Disney attempted to go back and correct the blatant historical inaccuracies portrayed in the first one. But who gave a shit about those! Not I! I just wanted to see Pocahontas magically speak perfect English to her blonde hottie, John Smith. Why on earth would you want to ruin that?! Instead, the dumbos at Disney (Dumbo, ha!) brought Pocahontas to England, made her wear hideous dresses, and forced her to date the weenie, JOHN ROLFE.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Fall (Or Something) Nails

Gah, I wish I could wait for my nails to dry before I ruin them.

I really needed something fall-ish. And this is what came to mind!

Inspirational Song of the Week: (There Can Be Miracles) When You Believe

I dislike Wednesdays. Historically, the television programming is really questionable, you still have two days of work left (although I only have one!), and time just seems to move slower. To get myself motivated to deal with the rest of the week, I typically get a really awesome song stuck in my head and just sing it when things are getting rough. I really want to start posting Christmas songs, but... it isn't even Thanksgiving yet. Instead, I'm digging into my wealth of animated movie songs, and whipping out a classic from the Prince of Egypt. This song may be too sappy for most (it makes me cry) but it's amazing nonetheless.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Disney Movies - The Drinking Game

Yup, you read that right. A friend and I got out of training early on Friday (thank goodness) and decided to go wild and watch some Disney movies! This alone would have been amazing, but to top it all off, we got hot chocolate and several tasty liquors and made it a drinking game!

Step 1: Buy tasty drinks. Since the temperature in Houston finally dipped below 70 for about five seconds, we all decided to bust out the parkas and hot cocoa. Luckily, many awesome things like peppermint schnapps, butterscotch schnapps, and cinnamon schnapps all go well with chocolate. We might have bought them all...

There is no better drink than hot chocolate - unless it's hot chocolate with crazy marshmallows!
Step 2: Pick out amazing Disney movies. For this festive occasion, we picked The Great Mouse Detective, Beauty and the Beast, and The Jungle Book. Ones with awesome songs seem to work best - especially after a few drinks!

Step 3: Carefully choose words/characters to drink to. Now this is where it gets tricky. Unlike most people, I tend to remember these movies well enough to quote them in their entirety. I can give you a few tips for what to pick, based on what we did:

  • The Great Mouse Detective 
    • "Basil"
    • Every time Basil butchers "Flaversham"
    • Whenever you see Toby 
  • Beauty and the Beast
    • "Beast" - this word comes up a surprising number of times
    • whenever you see the rose
    • "Gaston" - I love this character, so I thought this would be a great idea. However, I forgot that his name was said 31 times within a 4 minute song. Beware!!
  • The Jungle Book
    • "Man" - just do this one, cuz they seriously say it like 100 times.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Captain America Nails

The original idea was to do Superman nails, but I got too lazy to make the "S" - so I'm calling this Captain America. It's super simple, and I think it looks pretty awesome.

1. Apply layer of red polish to nails.
2. Paint top half of nails blue.
3. Add white dots. I didn't orignally plan to do this, but it helped cover up my imperfect red/blue barrier.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Something Evil's Lurking in the Dark

Well hello there! I have been in a training class for a week, then I went to New Orleans, and now I'm in another week of training. You'd think that being in training all day and not having to go to work would lead to excessive free time, but it actually just gave me more time to go hang out and drink. Therefore - no blog posts.

But let's remedy that situation. Here's a couple pictures from my weekend -

Me and the Yip-Yip Aliens!

Paco y Pepe
This was my first time in The Big Easy, and I feel like we made the most of it. I went with a bunch of people from work for VOODOO Fest, a music festival similar to ACL. Turns out that Bourbon Street is a LOT like Sixth Street in Austin (which is awesome) except that you're allowed to carry your "beverages" around in the street (even more awesome). One thing that you can't really see is that my belt actually had two pouches that fit a very large drink in each of them. They came in very handy! I might have to wear it to parties on a regular basis.

We had way too many people to keep track of, but the ghosts of Halloween were friendly and returned our lost souls. Miraculously, no one was seriously injured, arrested, or left behind.

In other news, my nails look like trash, so I'll attempt to do something awesome.. hopefully tonight. :]

Friday, October 21, 2011

A Weekend with the Besties!

I have just spent SIX HOURS attempting to fix my computer issues at work. On any other day, I'd be pretty upset about this. Today, however, nothing is going to get me down! In a matter of hours I'll be on my way to good ole' San Antone to hang out with the two loves of my life - Laura and Kelley.

I believe this is the most recent photo of the three of us. And that's sad, since I'm pretty sure this was last summer. Let's get on that, guys.

To say we have a strange relationship would be quite the understatement. I'm not sure what most people do when they hang out with their friends, but we drive hundreds of miles to eat tons of food, play games we already know who's going to win (Scene-It, Family Feud, The Newlywed Game, Packy Rummy, etc.) and watch the same two movies over and over together. 

Sometimes when we're feeling adventurous, we'll combine some of our passions. A serious amount of smack-talk has been going on for the past few years about one such combination - the intense game known only as Cheesecake-Cheesecake. This sporting event is not for the faint of heart - or those with a weak stomach. The object of the game is pretty simple - be the first person to completely finish your slice of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. Easy? WRONG. The last tournament ended without a clear victor and all of the competitors covered in whipped cream. Could anything be more awesome? The answer is no.

I've got about one more hour of fighting with antiquated computer programs left, but all I can think about is putting on my stretchy-pants and hanging out with mi amores. Look out, San Antonio, cuz it's time for me to win some Family Feuuud!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

VHS Tapes: A Limerick

VHS Tapes

You've survived through the ages,
Even while the DVD/Blu-Ray battle rages.
Although you have to look pretty far
To find a VCR,
The ones who created you were sages.

Sitting in my living room right now is a giant box filled with VHS tapes from my childhood. And ya know what? They all still work great. They've been dropped on the floor, stepped on, and thrown at my sister's face countless times, but they seem to be unbreakable. They always play! I won't lie, I've seen a couple VHS tapes get ruined over the years - mostly as a result of the VCR eating the tape. But that is nothing compared to the hundreds of DVDs I've attempted to watch with scratches, skips, and incompatible software. Every VHS can be played on any VCR. I currently have in my possession numerous DVDs that cannot be played by my XBOX or DVD player, but can be played with my laptop (only one of the three laptops). That is outrageous!

Whenever you stop a VHS to go run outside and play, you don't have to worry about your mom coming along, shutting off the VCR, and losing your spot. VHS tapes just stay put! And that is awesome. You didn't have to navigate through a clunky scene-selector, you just push play.

Looking back, VHS tapes did have some flaws. They are HUGE. But this didn't really matter at the time, since before VHS, the only time you could watch a movie was when it was in theaters or if it happened to be on tv. If my little brother hadn't been able to watch, rewind, and rewatch Toy Story 17 times per day, I'm not sure my sister and I would have let him survive to see his fifth birthday.

They also didn't let you skip straight to a particular section of the movie. Each movie had a couple of previews at the beginning, which could have annoyed other people, but my sister and I used to pick out a random movie and have the other one guess what it was just by the previews. Bonding moment! Don't want to watch them? Who cares?! Just fast-forward for a minute, you lazy turd.

Although tapes seem nearly indestructible, if you watch a movie enough times it will explode into a pile of useless plastic. But DVDs do the same thing in a much shorter time. Some of my VHS tapes are 22 years old and counting. And that's pretty damn good, if you ask me.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Get Ready To Pee Your Pants - Paranormal Activity 3

The Paranormal Activity franchise is great. The movies (especially the first one) were made for a relatively small price, generated zillions of dollars in profit, and scared the shit out of everyone. If you haven't seen the first two, then you need to come out from that rock you're living under.

On October 21st, the third (and final?) installment is coming to theaters! From the trailer, the special effects look a little more intense (and a little less believable). The family also must have bought the world's most expensive video cameras in 1988, because the picture is crazy good.

This movie goes back in time to explain how the curse thing started haunting Katie and fam. It has not one, but two tiny children, which can only make it more terrifying. It'll be interesting to see who dies in this one, since both little girls have to survive. Maybe the parents? Who cares! Bring on the pants-wetting!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Once Upon A Dream

Dear Sleeping Beauty / Aurora / Briar Rose,

I have watched your movie approximately one million times. I know the words to all of your songs, and I can quote pretty much everything you and your friends say. I even know all THREE of your names. (What kind of a person needs three names?!)As a faithful fan, I would like you to know one thing: you are completely to blame for your problems.

At this point you may be thinking "But I was cursed as a baby by the evil Maleficent!" You are correct - this was your parents' fault. All they had to do was invite the terrifying devil woman to a party! I'm not sure if you've hosted many parties, but from the ones I've thrown I've learned that you only have two options when dealing with unwelcome guests:

1. Invite them to come anyway. Most likely she would have politely declined the invitation (evil villains don't usually enjoy baby parties).

2. Make damn sure they don't find out about it. I'm not sure if your parents' plan to keep this party thing a secret was very well thought out. Seems to me that they invited the entire kingdom to attend. You know what they always say - "Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead." Maybe a small family affair would have sufficed.

Now let's get to the stuff you're to blame for.

After hiding deep in the woods for 16 years, never seeing anyone besides those looney fairies, I understand that you might want to expand your social circle a little. But did you seriously have to jump on the first man you saw??! That's a little slutty. All he did was sing along with your song and BOOM you're in love. That's pathetic. Keep in in your pants.

I'm not sure if you remember the real first time you and Prince Phillip met, but he took one look at your ugly baby-self and stuck his tongue out. But now that you look like a supermodel he's allll over you. Girl, take a hint!

Then you invited this boy back to your place. After your aunties/fairies told you not to speak to strangers, much less invite them over! Did you ever ask them why you weren't allowed to have friends? Well you should have. If you hadn't invited him over, he wouldn't have been kidnapped by Maleficent, you would have met up with him at the castle, partied your buns off, and lived happily ever after!

This letter may seem a little harsh, but I'm hoping that you can learn from your mistakes and stop fooling little girls into believing that strange men they meet in the woods are wonderful, singing princes. That's just a recipe for disaster.

I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem...
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream