Thursday, November 10, 2011

Worst Disney Sequels

I don't know if you're aware of this, but I've seen more than my fair share of Disney movies. After a few decades of avid Disney-watching, I've developed a bit of an attitude towards sequels/prequels/mid-quels. Some of them are amazing, like Toy Story 2 and 3 (if they make a 4th, I'll flip shit). However, many of them are terrible beyond belief. I really wish that Disney would take a poll and see if people actually WANTED these sequels, because I have a feeling that the majority would vote no - especially if they've seen these atrocities.


The Lion King 1 1/2

"Does anybody know when this movie is taking place?'
I loved The Lion King and The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride wasn't that bad, but THIS was garbage. It didn't make a lot of sense. Apparently Timon and Pumba go back and retell the first (and second?) movie they way they saw it. According to this movie, they were in the background the whole time just cracking jokes. Yeah right. Don't lie to me.



Mulan II

"I liked you better as a man."
What a pile of doo-doo. I honestly can't even remember what the plot of this movie was. I think it had something to do with Mulan being too much of a man for Shang to deal with. They're also planning a wedding and then run off to fight another war. Or something like that. Who even cares. The first movie ended perfectly - the war was over, the girl got her man, and the fireworks went off. You can't possible create another war for them to fight! That would just be ridiculous.





The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea

"I'm so hungry I could eat an eel!"
Ursula's anorexic cousin/sister gets pissed when she's killed, swears to take her revenge out on Ariel and her family, yadda yadda. This sequel fast forwarded like 15 years to follow Ariel's whiny 12 year old daughter as she wishes to go back to the sea, which of course she isn't allowed to because of the new witch in town. She also doesn't know she's half mermaid. Why they thought this movie would be a good idea, I do not know. The best character (Ursula) is dead!! Think, people!

"Get in ma belleh"


They also made Flounder a fat hippo. Didn't see that one coming.











The Jungle Book 2

*PTHT*
You can't make a sequel after all of the original voice characters and animators are dead. It doesn't come out the same, it just looks like a corny copy. In this picture, Mowgli and the cute girl look like they're taking a poop. Cuz that's what this was. Was there a plot? Oh yeah, Mowgli wants to go back to the jungle and is in danger. SERIOUSLY?! Just watch the first movie in reverse.









Cinderella II: Dreams Come True

"Why am I here?"
This is quite possibly the worst of them all. I think only three people in the world have seen this one (me, Laura, and Kelley). This one was also obviously made way after all of the original people were dead. And it wasn't even a movie!!! It was a movie containing short, stupid stories about how Cinderella was dealing with living in the palace and becoming friends with one of her idiot step-sisters. What the heck! After she rides off into the sunset, the last thing I want to watch is her getting bitched at by servants and giving handouts to an ugly ho. I haven't seen the third one yet, but it actually looked like there was a plot - somehow the evil stepmother turns back time and doesn't let Cinderella meet the prince or something. I may watch this at some point, but if it's anything like the second one, I'm burning the DVD afterwards to save others from the misery.





Pocahontas II: Journey to A New World

John Rolfe!! That name is the biggest insult I can bestow upon a human being. Pocahontas 2 is to blame for this. In the sequel, Disney attempted to go back and correct the blatant historical inaccuracies portrayed in the first one. But who gave a shit about those! Not I! I just wanted to see Pocahontas magically speak perfect English to her blonde hottie, John Smith. Why on earth would you want to ruin that?! Instead, the dumbos at Disney (Dumbo, ha!) brought Pocahontas to England, made her wear hideous dresses, and forced her to date the weenie, JOHN ROLFE.

2 comments:

  1. BY FAR, POCAHONTAS II is THE worst movie in the world. I give it 5 John Rolfes.Check out the sequel to Peter Pan, it sucked too.

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  2. haha I did see that, and it was terrible. my list was getting too long! there's a lot of other poopers out there haha

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